The List

This house is amazing! God, it's huge. I want a house just like this someday. I feel important being here, getting past the door like that. I was so afraid I wasn't going to be on the list, like maybe he forgot to add me. That would be so embarrassing. The doorman seemed like he couldn't find me for a second, so I was really relieved when he did.

Everyone inside is so beautiful, or tall, or skinny, or just really happy. They're all laughing, constantly. With such conviction. How do they do that?

I wish I had skin like his -- it's so smooth. And his nose is really small and perfect. I hate my face sometimes.

From the balcony, you can see the city spread out below. Thousands of lights, like a collection of fireflies.

Did you watch "American Idol" this week? Me too! Simon seems nicer this season. And I like Ellen, too. You know, she's kind of pretty! I never really thought that before, but now I do. God, look at the lights down there. We're up so high.

You're getting another cocktail? I'll come with you! That bartender is so hot, do they pay him more to take his shirt off? They should! He's got a lot to offer. I wonder if he's gay? Do you think he's gay? No? He seems kind of gay to me. Bisexual? Oh, whatever! I don't believe in bisexuality.

Oh my god, Drew Barrymore is here! No way! I love her, she's so fun and carefree and seems to enjoy life so much! I like how she doesn't take herself too seriously. Someone told me she has dinners all the time with her inner circle of gay friends! I hear her house is amazing. Shut up, you've been there? No way! Is she nice? That's so awesome you got to meet her! Her "Prop 8" speech on Santa Monica Blvd. was so awesome! She seems sweet! Oh my god, I think she's coming over here. Do you know any of the people she's with?

It's cold out here! I wish it was summer again. I hate long sleeves! Plus, I've totally been hitting the gym and I want to show off my biceps! Feel them! Sexy, right? Ha, I'm just kidding!

Oh crap, is that the chick from "Jersey Shore"? Oh my god, it totally looks like her! You watch that show too? I love JWow! I watched like five episodes in a row yesterday! Haha! Dude, I am so buzzed off that drink. The bartender made it super strong! He seriously came off gay to me.

That old guy was totally just hitting on you! Oh my god, that's really sad. Seriously shoot me if I'm ever that old and still going to these parties. He's probably really lonely. Sad!

He was super hot! What show is he on? I don't think he was into me, but we should totally try to make friends with him.

I'm am soooo drunk right now, it's not even funny! Let's go look upstairs, I wanna see the rest of the house!

Hey, how are you?? So good to see you. You look fabulous! I love your sweater! It is kind of cold, huh? Wow, that's so amazing, congratulations! I'm pretty good, same old, same old! So good to see you too! I'm sure I'll run into you later on, we're gonna go grab another drink! Have fun!!

I totally need to pee! Ugh, the line is sooo long! I think they're doing coke in there. I saw a bunch of people go in together. What time is it?

Are you going in the pool? Oh my god, I am so not going in there in my underwear! You're crazy!

Yeah, I work in publicity. Just an assistant for now, I don't know if it's really what I want to do but I love all the free shit! And of course being around celebs, I just love it! What do you do? That's sooo cool! We should hang out sometime! How do you spell your first name again?

Five cocktails in and it's like I'm walking on air. I wish it could be this way all the time. Right now, it feels like it could. What if I could just keep this going, for the rest of my life? Feel as carefree as I do right now. I get so lonely sometimes. I don't want to think about that, though. For now, I really do feel like I'm finally fitting in. These people are starting to get me, I'm pretty sure.

God, it's cold out here. The sky is really pretty, though; the stars look just like diamonds. Twinkle, twinkle. Hello, goodbye. Hello, goodbye.